Our Days Are Already Known

May 20, 2023

This will be long but today is eight months and I want to share what’s on my heart.

One year ago we were seven weeks out from the family vacation we had been planning for a year, prior to any of the health issues my husband spent the year battling. We were so excited to take our young adult kids on the vacation we had talked about doing for nearly fifteen years to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary and our daughter’s college graduation. It was everything we had dreamed of with a perfect week away where everyone got along, made memories for a lifetime and simply enjoyed being together.

But it was truly a miracle the trip even happened after everything my love had to overcome in the year leading up to it.

I have spent the past eight months working to come to terms with and accept this new life that was thrust upon us. A life I never imagined and want to fight kicking and screaming. I’m grateful for the support systems I have found in friends, family, Never Alone Widows and GriefShare. I determined from the very beginning that I would run towards Jesus just as I watched my love run to Him during his own battles. I refused to turn away from my belief that Jesus is a good, loving and caring Father. And in the past eight months I have come to this realization…

Our days are numbered and already known by God and there is no changing this.

Job 14:5 - Our time on earth is brief; the number of our days is already decided by you. Every man has been allotted a number of days here on earth.

I believe that our prayers for healing were in fact answered for my husband. His autoimmune disease pemphigus vulgaris, diagnosed in Oct 2021, went into remission and his double pulmonary embolism and DVT, diagnosed in Feb 2022, dissolved. For both of these to resolve in time for my husband to attend our daughter’s college graduation in May, enjoy our family vacation in July and move our daughter into law school in Aug was truly a miracle given the fact that he couldn’t even go to work until April because of his health struggles. Had the heart issues been known at that time, it is highly unlikely that he would have been allowed to travel for any of those events. I firmly believe that while God knew his days were numbered, He lovingly healed my love allowing us to spend those precious moments together. His heart was in trouble and while we were unaware of that, Jesus knew and even though I have no doubt it caused him great pain knowing what we were about to go through, he lovingly ensured that we were given that time together from May through Aug before his passing in Sept.

I am comforted in knowing my husband felt that he was improving and was on the road to recovery. He was not in the pain and discomfort that I watched him fight much of the year prior. He was hopeful and encouraged up until our very last conversation that evening. Thank you Jesus for the gift of time that you gave us. Thank you for allowing my love to enjoy his final days and not suffer. Thank you for the life you allowed us to build the past 30 years and the family we were given.

And still He is good.

Matthew 5:4 - Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.