The Woman In The Mirror

November 2025

I love my Sunday morning Cycle Bar classes. The instructor has an uplifting way of speaking to the class and I often feel like she's speaking directly to me. Yesterday was no different when she referenced emotional pain that leaves you lying on the bathroom floor.

I thought back to the endless days of staring at myself in the bathroom mirror as I sobbed, screamed and tried to claw my way out of the never ending black hole that I was living in. I vividly remember the time that I was perfectly fine one moment and the second I saw my reflection in the mirror, I simply broke down and watched myself fall apart for no apparent reason.

That's the woman I decided to fight for. The woman who deserved healing from a pain that she thought would never end. The woman who couldn't imagine a future where she would smile, laugh and look forward to the days ahead. The woman who realized that life as she knew it had ceased to exist.

That's when I decided that it was ok to mourn the life that would never be, while allowing myself to heal and embrace a new life full of opportunities. I used to cling to the pain I saw in that mirror thinking that to do otherwise would discredit the life and love that we had built. It's taken time and healing to fully accept that to allow myself to continue living in pain would go against everything he ever wanted for us.

The woman I see in the mirror now is one that still catches me by surprise. Confident, smiling, excited and happy. She knows how hard she fought to get here and she knows the loss and sacrifice it required. The woman I am today is exactly who he would want me to be and I've discovered that she's also who I want to be.

Those two women are one in the same...vulnerable and scared, strong and brave. They are both me and I'm really proud of the woman I'm becoming, the life I'm creating and what I see when I look in the mirror.